Insecurity & Beauty

Hi everybody! Id like to introduce you to a dear friend of mine whom I adore, Becky Kiser. Beckys taking over the blog today, and Im thrilled about the word shes bringing to us. Becky is not only one beautiful woman inside and out, shes an amazingly gifted.

Okay, Becky, you can take it from here!

Stick with me because I'm about to say something that might turn some off: I've never really struggled with insecurity. I know so annoying. Please keep reading. 

Yes, the typical insecurity battles that just come with being a human and being female hit me from time to time (especially once a month). However, it's never pulled me down. It's never kept me from something or someone. It's never consumed me. It's never really even distracted me for longer than than the fleeting thought. The more women I meet the more I realize how rare it is to not have had this internal battle raging.

Until recently. All of a sudden insecurity has snuck up on me and I can't seem to shake it.

This body that I used to accept as imperfect because I've birthed 2 beautiful girls, had 12 surgeries and simply don't make the time to exercise... the condemning thoughts come too quickly now of each and every imperfection staring back at me in the mirror. I now use clothes to cover up and not dress up.

The beautiful, wonderful, fun, and hilarious women that surround me, the ones that are changing lives and changing their worlds and impacting souls, I used to be their biggest believer and supporter of their causes. Now I pause, struck with envy that their life means more or that because of their impact on the world my efforts are meaningless.

Other women I see have this amazing community around them, true best friends forever. I have always been so grateful my friends had these kind of friendships. Now flickers of jealousy all of sudden light me up with grief over wanting more community that looks just like theirs.

Even silly things attack me like watching my favorite show on HGTV, Fixer Upper, and seeing the artistry of a talented woman. Now as I add to my internal pinterest board I fixate on what's out of reach and I dwell there. I wish my home was more like what I see on TV and less what it is in reality. 

It's so stupid. It's also so real. Which makes it even more stupid.

I don't mean to paint a negative picture because I'm not stuck in a dark cave of self wallow. I never want to err on the side of being overly real just to not have a picture perfect, social media approved facade. My life is a gift and so sweet in so many beautiful ways. So please don't hear only the negative.

Even in the beauty there most certainly are ashes. This is true for all of us. Some of us share this publicly (some of us over share this publicly) and some of us keep it to ourselves. Regardless of how we showcase ourselves, we all have beauty and we all have ashes.

I never would have seen these ashes come but they are here. Sweeping them under or to the side isn't working. 

The other day I was driving down the street praying-- really pleading with God for freedom from this. And His reply came so quickly in a song on the radio. I hope this song is an answer back to you as well.

 

Beautiful by Mercy Me

Days will come when you don't have the strength And all you hear is you're not worth anything. Wondering if you ever could be loved. And if they truly saw your heart They'd see too much 

You're beautiful, You're beautiful. You are made for so much more than all of this. You're beautiful, You're beautiful. You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His. You're beautiful 

Praying that you have the heart to fight. 'Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight. For all the lies you've held inside so long. But they are nothing in the shadow of the cross 

You're beautiful, You're beautiful. You are made for so much more than all of this. You're beautiful, You're beautiful. You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His. You're beautiful 

Before you ever took a breath. Long before the world began. Of all the wonders He possessed There was one more precious. Of all the earth and skies above You're the one He madly loves, Enough to die! 

You're beautiful, You're beautiful. In His eyes You're beautiful! You are made for so much more than all of this. You're beautiful! You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His. You're beautiful!  

You're beautiful! You are made for so much more than all of this. You're beautiful! You're beautiful!  

You are treasured. You are sacred. You are His

 

I don't know where you are with insecurity. You may be like me a few months ago and never have dealt with this or you might be like the other 99.9% of women I know and it's constant, different in topic but constant in theme. Insecurity is such a nasty, defeating beast.

The verse that keeps playing in my head and is the weapon I'm fighting these thoughts with is John 10:10:

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

These thoughts that come are stealing my calling away from me, they are killing friendships and destroying the way I view myself.

What are they stealing, killing and destroying in you?

There's more. Jesus tells us there's more. There's life. Not just life but abundant life. 

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me ... to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes" Isaiah 61:1, 3

  

*You can find out more about Becky at beckykiser.com.